You already know what to do. You just can’t seem to do it.

Why nothing you’ve tried has held

You have probably read the books. Maybe you have done therapy and got something real out of it. You know you should listen more, defend less, stop trying to fix everyone, and you have meant it every time you promised yourself you would change.

Then somebody says something that lands wrong, and you are explaining yourself before they finish the sentence. Or you go quiet. Or you work harder, give more, and wonder why nobody can feel you in the room.

Knowing what to do and being able to do it in the moment are two different problems. The part of you that reacts may have learned that response a long time ago, and understanding it does not always change what happens when you are triggered.

It is usually not the first time you have felt this. It is just the first time you have had these words for it.

Often it goes back to something you came to believe about yourself as a kid, before you had any way to judge whether it was true. I’m not enough. I can’t be trusted. Nobody can see this part of me. Maybe somebody said it to you. Maybe it was the conclusion you drew from how you were treated. Either way, you started building around it.

The work is going back to where that started and letting yourself feel what you could not feel then. When that lands, the old reaction tends to lose some of its hold. Not always the first time, and not every reaction at once, but enough that you get a choice where you did not have one before.

What a session involves

First conversation

Free, 30 minutes.

Coaching sessions

One hour, $165 USD.

Format

One to one, by phone or online.

Booking

One session at a time. No package required.

The consultation is where you tell me what is going on, I tell you how I would work with it, and we both find out whether this is a fit. Nothing to pay and nothing to commit to at that point, and you come back after that only when you want to.

You do not need to arrive knowing what the problem is. Most people can name the behaviour and have no idea where it started, and finding that is my job rather than yours. Bring one recent moment where you got stuck: what was said, what you felt, and what you did next. We work from there.

Expect it to be more emotional than conversational. We are not there to analyse the pattern, we are there to get underneath it, which means going back to where it started and feeling something you have probably worked hard not to feel. Anger comes up, grief comes up, and that is the work doing what it is meant to do.

You are never pushed anywhere you have not agreed to go. We move at your pace, I ask before we go into something, and you can slow it down or stop at any point. You do not have to explore something you are not ready to explore.

If you get there and nothing comes, that is common and it is not a failure. Somebody who has spent thirty years not feeling something tends to be very good at not feeling it, and that is information too. We work with that the same way.